It’s always been an unfortunate fact in my life that nothing has driven change in me more than loss. In a former life, I was engaged to be married. I didn’t end up getting married, and the breakup was long and incredibly painful, but it triggered massive positive change in my life. I left a job that was no longer making me happy. I moved to beautiful San Francisco. I took control of my finances so, instead of going into debt as most Americans do after high school, I am debt free aside from my car payment, which I will pay off early.
This past weekend, my long time girlfriend and I broke up. Things hadn’t been going great for a while and we decided together that it was time for a change. To anybody who asked about it, I’ve put on a strong face and told them I’m fine, but the truth is, I’m heartbroken.
After spending some time stewing in my own misery, I sat my laptop on the nightstand and sat on the side of my bed, the only two pieces of furniture in my empty apartment. I sat there for a couple hours and wrote down what I want for my life. My goals individually, interpersonally(familialy?), and professionally. Even though I’ve always felt like I knew what I wanted for myself, I’d never just sat and written it all down. It was a very revealing exercise that I highly recommend.
I discovered that, for some of my goals, I was well on my way. I’ve come a long way in my career since I moved up to San Francisco three years ago. I’ve worked on major websites that see millions of daily uniques. I’ve written iPhone applications that have been featured in TV commercials and demonstrated at major industry events. I’ve continued to expand on my skills, both in breadth and depth. And, I’ve become a somewhat decent amateur chef.
Yet I’ve completely failed to keep after other goals. I really miss playing the piano. I used to be pretty good. I’ve put on enough weight that I’m going to have to buy bigger pants in the very near term. And most importantly, I let my relationship with an amazing person wilt because I’d put all my energy elsewhere. I failed to give her the attention she deserved, and I lost her because of it. It’s easy to take for granted the people you see every day, at least until they’re gone.
The lessons I’ve learned the hard way are the ones I’ll never forget. I’ve started going back to the gym and have enlisted a good friend to go with me and keep me on it. I’m looking for a way to work piano lessons into my schedule. And when the opportunity presents itself again, I will not fail to put her needs at the top of my priorities, even when it’s hard; especially when it’s hard.